A little reminder.

I didn't wanted to start this awkward way, but since this is just an online diary  I will just skip the politite and just get into writting.
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About my fears.

When your whole life revolves around one person and suddenly that person is gone for some days, and all this magical land of posibilities appear from now where...yup that's your life and you better start enjoying it!!
Because no matter how much you love her, you just can't keep skipping your life.
In the end we both know that you are still indirectly doing all those thinks for her, to make you both get a bit closer with time.
You love teaching, working, studying, because you enjoy it and there is nothing more you could do better than that. But also because you can picture her waiting for you at home, or viceversa. maybe picking her up of work.... all those infinite posibilities of perfect escenarios rumming in your head.
But you are so afraid of it, not of failing at work or studies... but at being so busy and focused in reaching that goal that she will have too much free time that she won't love you anymore, find someone else... a MAN.
Your worst fear makes you have nigthmares every nigth, no autoestime maybe not enough of it... a part of you tell you it's possible, it might happen soon, she isn't the type of girl that end with another girl... and then you would have done everything for NOTHING.
That idea scares you more than losing your time, the fact you might lose her and that will happen one day and you can't do nothing about it.

Wake up, wasj your face and look in the mirror with an smile, always having her in your mind makes easy to lie to yourself.

"I won't give up"

You are sure about that, because even if she leaves you alone, she wouldn't be the first at that...maybe the first at broking your heart but those where the consecuencess you accepted when you started dating.
Even with a broken heart you know you can keep going with your life because you are choosing the things you love over everything.

Maybe you won't open yourself to anyone else, but you know that you will be happy in the end.

I'm a woman, a future historian , DOCTOR and teacher, planning to make many books as possible to reach the high school level and why not the rest of the non scientific population, making history for avaible to anyone, and maybe she won't be waiting for you at the end of the day, maybe it will be a ferret or no one at all.

But you will end everyday with an smile because you knew you choose the best for you.